Caring for a Body You Don’t (Yet) Love

What gets missed when thinness rather than body acceptance becomes the path to self-respect

“Are you okay?” sounded like a simple question, but in truth, it was the beginning of my realization that I was, in fact, not okay. After six years of serving in the Marine Corps, where I had gone to extremes to maintain what I thought was a “healthy” weight, I was finally ready to admit that the path to health wouldn’t be achieved by making my body smaller.

The path to a healthier life began with understanding that my desire for thinness wasn’t about health, but body acceptance.

What is Body Acceptance?

Body acceptance is about accepting your body for what it is and caring for it even when you don’t feel good about it.

How It Differs From Body Positivity and Body Neutrality

We often hear about body positivity and neutrality, but I’ve struggled with these concepts. As much as I see how they’ve benefitted others, I’ve never truly resonated with either. I want to be body positive, but I can’t say that I’ve ever had unconditional love for my body. Even though I desire to be body neutral, there are things my body can no longer do that I’m not neutral about.

• I don’t love it when my old clothes don’t fit, but I accept that I can buy new clothes I feel comfortable wearing today.

• I don’t love having a knee injury preventing me from running, but I appreciate having a knee brace that allows me to walk without pain.

• I don’t love that I’ve developed acne scars that leave dark spots on my face, but I accept that I can cover them up with makeup whenever I choose.

In other words, I’ve come to a place of body acceptance by remembering Dr. Lindsay Kite and Dr. Lexie Kite’s words: “Your body is an instrument, not an ornament.” When I see my body as an instrument, I can focus less on what clothes don’t fit, what my body can’t do, and what scars my body now has.

However, Accepting Your Body Doesn’t Mean Others Will

Even though coming to a place of body acceptance is incredibly beneficial to the individual, our society has a long way to go in recognizing body diversity.

What is Body Diversity?

Body diversity recognizes that all people come in various shapes, sizes, and physical abilities.

No matter what the health and wellness industry wants you to believe, there isn’t an ideal body. However, I understand how uncomfortable it can be not to look like everyone else. At the same time, I’ve learned that being uncomfortable isn’t always a bad thing. Discomfort challenges us to put ourselves out there, which is a recipe for growth in a world that often wants us to stay the same. If we’re being honest, who is that serving?

Learning to Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

As a person who hates standing out, learning to accept my body has been an uncomfortable process. It’s also a blessing in disguise. It’s been in the process of learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable that I discovered a few things:

#1. We All Have Insecurities About Ourselves

Body acceptance isn’t about overcoming our insecurities but about allowing ourselves not to be paralyzed by them. I know I have insecurities about my dark spots, so I wear makeup on special occasions when a camera will be around. Thus, we can make ourselves less insecure by taking proactive steps.

Writing Prompt: What’s an insecurity you have about your body? Take a moment and write down one to three things you feel insecure about. Awareness is powerful, and awareness of our insecurities is the first step toward progress.

#2. We Don’t Need to Love Our Bodies at Every Moment

Unconditional acceptance doesn’t mean we have to love everything about ourselves. In fact, I would argue that we must be honest about why we don’t love something about our bodies. Having been embarrassed by acne as a child, I know why I don’t love seeing dark spots on my face as an adult. When we know the deeper why, we can ensure the steps we take to address it are getting at the root of that discomfort.

Writing Prompt: Using one of the responses from the previous prompt, write down why you don’t love that thing about your body. Give yourself time to do this part, as you might need to keep asking yourself why after each response until you get to a place where you truly understand why this thing bothers you. It’s not for anyone else’s eyes, but for your own awareness, so feel free to burn, shred, or delete it after you’re done.

#3. Our Bodies Deserve Respect and Care

Your body deserves respect regardless of your size, weight, or shape. While it might take time to believe this in your heart, it’s a journey that is absolutely worth taking. The moment I realized that I was worthy, dark spots and all, was the moment I started feeling more comfortable in my own skin. The significant part about being comfortable in your skin is that you create the room for others to feel the same.

Writing Prompt: I genuinely encourage you not to skip this last one. Take a moment and write down five (or more) reasons that you respect and care for your body. You might want to screenshot this one and keep it for later as a reminder on the hard days when you feel the opposite.

Whether you’re just starting your journey or have been doing this for many years, know that you have a community here to support you in caring for your body even when you don’t love it yet.