The cost of always being "the strong one"
Strength shouldn't mean carrying everything alone
Have you been watching the World Cup?! Living right outside of Boston, it’s been hard to avoid the World Cup crowds and watch parties that have been happening throughout the city.
Hearing that Belgium forward Jérémy Doku was criticized for leaving during the World Cup to be with his wife as she gave birth to their first child made me want to “fight the air,” as Luvvie Ajayi Jones would say.
It wasn’t just that a television host suggested fathers are “useless” during childbirth, but it was the reality that even today, some believe that because women are the ones giving birth, men don’t have to be involved.
That made me think about how often we confuse a woman’s ability to do something with the expectation that they should do it alone.
And that’s a story that needs to be rewritten. Because it’s time to put to rest the trope that has praised us for being strong at our expense.
When women are taught they always have to be strong, it means that they’re more likely to…
keep going even when they know they should stop.
keep smiling, although they are dealing with immense pain.
keep showing up regardless of how exhausted they might feel.
keep taking care of everyone else, even when no one has asked what they need.
And over time, that “quiet strength” turns into loud expectations.
Expectations that you will keep going, smiling, showing up, and taking care of everyone else.
Not because it was ever really your choice. It’s just what was expected of you.
This same expectation follows many women into the exam room.
How many years have you spent pushing through fatigue, pain, brain fog, irregular periods, digestive issues, or symptoms no one can explain?
Somewhere along the way, you stopped asking why and started believing this was simply something you had to live with.
But that’s not true.
Your symptoms are telling a story. And you deserve support as you learn to listen.
That brings me to another thought… I wonder how many of us have confused strength with silence?
Or believed that because we’ve handled something for so long, we no longer deserve support.
Just because you’ve carried unexplained symptoms for years doesn’t mean you’re meant to carry them alone.
Have you ever felt that you were expected to be “the strong one” when what you really needed was support?
Hit reply and tell me. I’d be honored to hear your story.